Leslie A. Jordan
from a Life Well Lived in April 2021. On October 24, 2022, while driving to film scenes at the Call Me Kat set,
Jordan died when he experienced sudden cardiac dysfunction and his car hit the side of a building at
Cahuenga Boulevard and Romaine Street in Hollywood.
via Jeanne Love, December 2, 2024
"Friends, there is nothing more amazing than dying. Nothing!"
Good morning my fellow traveler of the light and furious sort. I mention that because you have a tremendous fire that burns inside of you which few of your friends seem to see or respond to. The advantage I have about being over “here” versus being over “there” is that I can see things more clearly, perhaps even for the first time. I am so happy that you finally got my message.
I never thought I would ever have that kind of power…controlling the amount of scroll time I could use to influence my friends and family after I left my earth body. Well, I digress. LOL. I do digress a lot and I love that I have so much to share and give to you in this communication.
I want to explain to you why I waited to write this through you. When I first passed over, I was so thrilled that I still was “conscious”. I had always wondered how my belief system would show once I transitioned. I had hoped it was somewhere between heaven and a peaceful place where I was safe and not persecuted for my gay lifestyle. To my big surprise it was better than anything I could have hoped for. And I understand that other celebrities before me have explained their experiences as well. Many have written very similar things about where they have landed and what they and seen and experienced. I feel that some were not prepared for the beauty and others were surprised that there was anything left at all after they “died”.
As my dear mother would say, “You never know the truth about anything until it comes and hits you in the face, requiring an honesty you didn’t know you had to give.” I have been with my dear mother for most of my new life here. We have been able to talk, share and compare notes about so many things, some too private to share at this time. What a wonderful release it is to know that our loved ones are so very close at hand.
I guess that is what I want to talk about today with all of you. You see, it is an honor and a privilege to be able to know that when you communicate like this you will be automatically have your communication appear in the cosmicvoices.network site. What a thrill. That is another reason why I have waited so long to write something through you, Jeanne. I want what I have to say to really mean something, and I want my words to reflect on my experiences over the last few years.
For the most part I have spent my time here getting used to everything, getting my “see” legs, being able to look over the horizon of death into the new world of light and possibilities. It has been beyond my wildest imaginings. I have learned so much about myself and why I chose this gay lifestyle in a world full of prejudice and judgment. I have also learned that I have been here before, meaning, in other lifetimes. Somewhere in the back of my mind I had felt that I had been here before, but I was beside myself to explain or understand the how and whys of it all. My mother, a very Christian woman, believed in one life only and that in order to spend our time after we die in heaven, we had to live a godlike life. She was sometimes at odds with herself in terms of what she believed, had been taught and then was experiencing with her own family, especially me.
She has since told me that I opened her heart to a better way of believing and that she could not embrace a religion that shunned her own child. I know, personally, it was a stretch for her, but she wore her heart on her sleeve in a way in which she could be quiet and discreet, all the while working to be supportive and accepting of me. I love that I did that for her, even though it was not a conscious decision at all.
Again, I digress.
Jeanne, what I have been waiting to tell you and the readers of the cosmicvoices.network is not that we live on after our body dies, but that we change shape in the most marvelous of ways after we leave our bodies behind. What I mean by that is, once I walked through the “veil” from one world to the other it became so clear to me that we are beyond our own expectations of who we are and where we have come from. Does that make sense? It is like picking up a book to read and discovering that you are the author. It is like waking up from a really bizarre dream and knowing that you have created the stories you experienced. It is like understanding that we can change the script at any time and that we can change all the circumstances around our choices. There is such freedom in that! Can you feel it?
I waited to speak to you, Jeanne, because I wanted to have some progress under my belt, so to speak, because you seemed to be so much further ahead of things than I was. I didn’t want to look or sound like an idiot around you. I used my sense of humor to surround you so that you had something of me to identify with, otherwise I thought you might think I was just another one of “those” celebrities, waiting to prove the continuation of life. I waited a long time for my “celebrity”. It seems only fitting that I was not a prominent, off-the- tongue, personality until my later years. Who would have thought? I am so grateful for this platform, one that I didn’t even realize I had until I “met” you. Thank you for waiting for me.
The other part of this communication has to do with the “state” of things in your world these days. (It is no longer mine, hahaha). There is so much talk about the problems, the issues, the anger and resentment, the lack of love in your world. It is so different here and yet our two worlds are literally right next door to each other, like neighbors. When I had my episode which led to the car accident, I was unaware of any type of threat to my body. I had a brief moment of concern because I began to feel not quite right, but it was a fleeting thought. As I began to steer my car away from my physical discomfort, I lost consciousness and found myself drifting away as if in a dream. I felt myself leaving my body and going into a sort of vortex, or tunnel. Jeanne might call it a corridor. However it is called and however it looked, I was in it. All thought of my humanness drifted away and I felt a lightness that I can’t remember ever having.
I found myself right in the arms of my mom and saw some other relatives right behind her. I remember saying, “mama, what is happening?” and she just shushed me and carried me “over” some type of bridge. I immediately thought of the rainbow bridge and dogs and cats going over them when they died and I thought, “Wow, am I a dog now? Is that what my life amounted to?” That is when I hear my family members calling me and I realize that I wasn’t an animal, but I was crossing over to a new land. I was hopeful, interested as to where this little old gay man would land. Would I be eternally punished in hell for being a man who loved men?
Would I be cast aside for my desires and my sexual activities? Would I be eternally punished for living the life I did? Some of those thoughts seemed equally disturbing to me because I knew in my heart I was born this way and that God made me, so how could he punish his own creation? A part of me liked to think God perhaps was a woman and therefor would never challenge her creation to death by personal choice.
My oh my. All sorts of things ran through my mind in those few seconds or minutes after I lost consciousness. I also had the thought that I must be having a heart attack or something because I had felt “off,” healthwise, for a couple of days. All those random thoughts quickly disappeared once I saw and felt my mama. She was my savior once again. I knew instantly that I was safe, free at last and home, even though I didn’t quite know where home was at the time.
Friends, there is nothing more amazing than dying! Nothing! I had no big expectations and no real fear. I thought you just go to sleep, or your body just becomes “finished” and you have permisison to leave this world. It never occurred to me that I would suffer or would be kept alive with machines and the like. In fact, I let my friends and family know that I wanted none of that heroic stuff to keep me alive. I was grateful for all the time I already had, and for the amazing experiences I had, so time was going to be what it was going to be. I got through the threat of AIDS and other health related gay lifestyle activities. I never felt like I was living on borrowed time but rather that I was living for as long as my body would allow me to live and to still be here in a meaningful way. Yippee!
I loved to eat and fed my insecurities at times. As a little guy, I felt the pounds creep up on me quickly, but I loved being alive and lived as fully and completely as I could. What a gift to be there in that physical world! And what a present to do what I wanted and where I wanted (for the most part). I loved being around so many other exciting and inspiring people. I had the pleasure of working with many talented people, as well as a few questionables, but in the end the good outweighed the bad. I found that having great respect for other talented souls brought respect back to me. Because of what I had to overcome early in my career I truly appreciated where I had landed and who was walking or dancing with me as I got older.
And what are my plans now you might ask? Well, I am enjoying life because I am so alive in this new field of life!! I have had the good fortune to meet up with some old friends and relatives (the ones who treated me nicely in spite of the fact that I was gay) and have had many an interesting conversation.
I have come to you Jeanne as I looked on TV so that you would know it was me, but in my everyday world, I have chosen to be different. I have chosen my appearance to be younger, taller and more handsome. However, I have kept my accent because it is my calling card.
Am I still gay, you might ask? YES. I love being me. The difference is that there is no gay or straight here, unless it is something you wish to complete or experience. I love EVERYBODY! There are places where the leftovers of sexual energy still exist, but for the most part where I exist is a fun-loving down to earth environment. Did you get that? Down to earth. We still use earth words when communicating with ya’ll.
What do I miss? Food…hots dogs and hamburgers, French fries, fancy breakfasts and all the good beverages that go with the likes of whatever I would be eating.
What don’t I miss? Prejudice, judgment, pollution, feeling separated from myself or my friends and family.
Even in my “death” I feel closer to the living than I had when I was in my body. I visit those beloved that I had the good fortune to work with. I sit with those who become sad when they think of me as past tense. But most of all I am joyful about all that I was fortunate enough to have been given, to have experienced, and about the beautiful people who believed in me, hired me and loved me.
After all is said and done, I had a beautiful life. Please remember that, next time I come across your media feed. Bless me and I will bless you. Remember me and I will remember you. Tell me a joke and I will share one with you. Talk to me and I will respond.
Most likely I will share with you not to be afraid. Live your life to the fullest. Look for the adventures. Challenge yourself to do something that you have hesitated to engage with. Call up that friend and reconnect. And Dance and sing your song. It doesn’t matter whether anyone is watching or not. It is your creation.
Yahoo!!
I love you all.
Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year. You are beautiful, people. Remember that as truth as you participate in this creation. We are all on different adventures, each unique and with their own gifts of self-discovery.
It can and will be a marvelous journey as you put aside the fear and allow yourself to fall in love with life and its possibilities.
From this old southern boy to you…
Leslie A. Jordan